So, now onto what has been on my mind. I am rapidly approaching a year since splitting with Trish, and I’m finding myself at a bit of a impasse in my life. I don’t really feel grounded much of anywhere, and with the fun we had this weekend, I am starting to seriously consider that maybe it is time for some MAJOR changes in my life. Not sure they would even be possible since the boys mother is here, but the possibility of moving out to Arizona just seems very appealing. Between the family that is there for the boys (and myself since my mom would once again be just an hour away from me down in Phoenix) and how much I liked the town and the area I am feeling like it might be a smart move.

I realize I am rambling in this posting, but I guess that’s par for the course since my thoughts have been rambling for almost a week now with all these thoughts. I know that you can’t always just make a decision like this because your first impressions of a place are almost always favorable. And this would be a MAJOR change, even though it is just 5 hours from where we are living now it means relocating the kids in school, possibly leaving behind my daughter and her new family (including my first grandson), and leaving a job that I love doing and have been here so long it’s more like family here to me. I’m just not sure what to do and how to go about making a decision this big. The kids are making it easy, they’d all love to move (at least Josh and Billy, Brent is still pretty young and since technically we’d be closer to his mother a bit that part doesn’t weigh as heavy in my thoughts).

What would I do for work? I suppose if I could manage to stay with people for a short period I could make a go of finally starting my own business and doing computer repair. I am still researching the area to see what kind of places are already doing that and what kind of competition I would be up against. While starting that, if it doesn’t take off as fast as I need I’d start looking for “real work”.

I just don’t know… had to put some thoughts down somewhere solid where I can come back to them and pick them apart. I think this is one of those decisions that you put out there, let it sit and stew for awhile, come back to it, find the flaws, rework it a little, and just keep nurturing it until the answer becomes apparent. Maybe it is my version of a mid-life crisis, but I just feel a little lost recently and unable to focus and really move my life forward. Having the kids makes some of these decisions a little more tough, but I wouldn’t give up the kids for anything, so I just have to figure out how to factor them in properly and with appropriate respect to their ties to others around us.

Sorry again for the rambling dialogue. I’ll post more as I go along, feel free to comment and give me your input on making decisions like this. I’m not used to being the one that can’t easily find an answer to a question, but I know eventually I will.

Greg

Since separating, I’ve dated a few really great women, each so different from each other it’s made me question who or what it is I am looking for in a partner. This blog post has been rattling around in my head for quite some time as I will probably mention some things here that friends and family had no clue of (or maybe I am underestimating them a bit). It’s no big surprise that I am the ultimate techno-geek, a fact that I don’t even attempt to conceal, and one that I am quite proud of. At first I had thought that my special someone would also need to share that passion, but the women I have dated have gone across the full spectrum of that part of my life. From pretty close to just as tech-related as I am (OK, that might be a stretch, but at least close) to being as far from the tech mindset as you could be in this day and age. I don’t think anyone would be completely computer free in their life, but from being online throughout the day and instant messaging, to have texting wars (see how many texts we can send in a short period of time), to the other extreme of maybe getting online a few times a week at the most. And from one extreme to the other I have found something that connected us at a different level in each person I dated.

Not being one to feel ‘slighted’ because the person I was dating didn’t quite feel the same way I might, I have kept in contact with the important women I have dated recently. There are three in particular that there was more than one or two dates with. Each so different than the other it astounds me. And now I talk to them each, but on vastly different schedules, and at completely different levels. Every once in awhile I’ll get to chat with one online, we still have great conversations, and I look forward to each time we get to chat, but I think that is all that will ever be. We’ll most likely never meet face to face again, but there will always be that sense of a connection, and as with everyone I meet, I hope she finds happiness and that special someone that makes her feel as special as she is. Another I talk to almost daily, either through texts, chatting online, or we get together to see a movie or grab a bite to eat. As with the first I mentioned, I look forward to each of these moments, and cherish each chance we get to talk. There is no apprehension in giving her advice on someone she might be dating, or asking her for advice on people I might start getting interested in. I have a good feeling we will be great friends for many years to come, we connect on such a level that it seems almost inevitable. Maybe it would end up being something more at some point, I doubt that would be the case, but on my side, I could see the possibility, however slight it might be.

Finally there is the person that is on the tech level so far off from me, she doesn’t even have texting on her phone plan, and sees no need for it. But our connection was at a completely different level, the conversations were all so easy going, I never felt at a loss for words, and we seemed to complement each other perfectly. She would make me think of things I would never on my own, not that I didn’t want to do this or that, but she just was so good at pulling me out of my little ‘safety bubble’ and I loved every minute of it. After just about 2 months, we had a particular moment (it was actually a few) that, when added with the complications of her work schedule as she was facing some very long work weeks, we talked and came to the conclusion we should stop dating, but not stop talking to each other. She is so far from the ‘typical’ woman, not into getting flowers, or any of the other things most women go nuts over. She appreciates the sentiment, but would much rather do something more meaningful. Instead of spending money on flowers, she is much happier finding a random note, or when I would bring over something small to try to make a bad day a little better. It is this person that, while I know she would find this sappy and unnecessary, I can’t seem to get far from my mind. Every person I have gone out on a date with since her and I stopped dating I have used her as the benchmark that I rate them against. We still talk a few times a week (for the most part) and I get that strange feeling when my phone starts ringing and I see it is her on the line.

I’m not exactly sure what the purpose of this post is, I guess it’s that when people say they know what they want out of life, I think maybe they don’t really have a clue. When Trish and I split, I could have given specific’s of what my next relationship would be like. The women I have dated since then have turned that concept on it’s ear, and I am just thankful to have been lucky enough to meet such wonderful ladies that have expanded who I am and I am anxious to see where the road takes me. One thing it has definitely taught me, is that while I might have someone in particular on my mind more so than another, I realize that can change and the possibility of meeting someone who refocuses those thoughts is there. While at this moment in time I would be more than happy not refocusing, I am not going to sit around waiting for what may or may not be meant for me. It will be her loss, not mine, if someone else comes along that is able to absorb my attention at that level. Though to be honest, whoever that is has quite an uphill battle before them.

If you’ve made it this far in my ramblings, I apologize for the randomness of this post. I just felt I needed to put it out there, whether anyone reads it or not, is a secondary to the fact that I have at least put it down where it CAN be read should someone be so bored as to want to take a peak into where my ‘relationship’ mindset is at this point in my life.

Greg

Addendum: I come back to my posts awhile after writing them, and read back through them, this one has to be one of my worst writings ever. But I don’t think I am going to change anything about it. The one final thought that I had, is that while I have no idea who the person that will be sharing my life will be, the one thing I now know for certain, is that they have to make me want to be a better version of me. Not to make them happy, or anything like that, but just because they bring out that part of me because of who they are. I want someone who WANTS me to be around them, not someone who NEEDS me. I don’t want to be a part of completing anyone, I want to mutually make a better us than either of us are on our own.

Since I was born in 1969 I wasn’t completely aware of the Jackson 5, though I think few of us didn’t know the songs by heart as children. It was in my middle school and high school years in the 80′s, when Jackson was at the peak of his career most would say, that I was most drawn into his music. There were few people who weren’t, and even today my son who just turned 18 was a fan of Michael Jackson’s work and was shocked by the news of his passing.

His contributions to the music industry can’t be denied, he was one of the first (if not THE first) singer to make music videos into the epic productions they are today. I heard in a news broadcast yesterday a comment stating that it would be difficult to find a home without a single copy of his “Thriller” album in it. I know I personally have bought the album at least 3 times. Jackson’s music helped to drive and shape a large part of my particular generation and the ripple effect is still felt in the new generations.

I was one of those that were disappointed by his recent legal troubles and the claims of misconduct with children. I know I will probably be bashed for labeling it that way, but I don’t see a need to be more specific than that. Everyone is familiar with what he was accused of, and like most people think of O.J., have a gut feeling that the only reason he wasn’t convicted of these charges was because of his celebrity status. That, however, doesn’t diminish his previous contributions to so many peoples lives. It is my feeling that his troubled past, and the demons that he fought were most likely a part of what made him who he was. In his earlier career he was able to keep them at bay enough and was able to use them to his advantage to make some of his best music.

While I don’t condone anything that he was accused of, and I was definitely one of the people passing on the jokes about him (I even did it yesterday on Twitter and will most likely forward more of them in the near future). I can still recognize that he had an impact on my childhood and any time a Michael Jackson song comes on I can’t help but sing along with it. His performances that you can find online still make me stop and watch in amazement at the performer that he was. His recent history shouldn’t diminish his overall character and people should remember him for the entire person he was. Gifted performer, darkly troubled internally. He fought demons I would wish on no person, but somehow he managed to still give all of us the gift of his talents. It is strange to think that in less than a year we will rarely hear much about him, and there will never be another new Michael Jackson song, or sordid news story about his troubles.

Rip Michael Jackson, thank you for all you were able to give to us, I hope you have finally found peace from your demons.

Greg – @GWHicks

P.S. Another great post by a Twitter friend of mine, Lori Deschene or @BeMeaningful, The Good That Came from Michael Jackson’s Lost Childhood. Follow her for both great blog posts, and uplifting twitter posts.

I belong to a few “internet communities” and there is one I frequent quite often that get’s a lot of conversation. We have a broad range of people and, as usually happens when you have that variety, sometimes the debates get quite a bit of steam. This is a posting I made to this Yahoo group (not a group of yahoo’s, well, not ALL of them are yahoo’s). The group is Hemet-Cafe and the conversations there go from one extreme to another. This particular one happened to involve both politics AND religion (I know! Who’da thunk THOSE topics would fuel a heated debate!). One of the reasons I like these discussions is they tend to get me to do some research on my own. This is the result of one of those research sessions, hope you like it and find the information I gathered here of value.

Here’s my posting to that group:

Since the discussions here have recently gone in the direction of labeling people as liberal or conservative, I started doing a little research on it and came across a forum where someone asked what the opposite of a liberal was. There were, of course, the standard flame directed responses, but about halfway down the page, a poster named ‘XPADREX’ had this response:
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–
I find it interesting that the majority of those who use “liberal” as a pejorative typically respond that the opposite of that phrase is somehow righteous.

The following is a 20 minute interesting lecture on the differences between the liberal and conservative polar opposites, and some of the causal factors for belifs:
http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=vs41JrnGaxc
Please note: don’t merely watch it halfway, or you’ll draw the wrong conclusions.

In any case, on a spectrum with “Liberal” on one end, then “conservative” would be at the other, correct? Well, is that how it truly works?

First off, detractors must have a true grasp of what liberals are. The above referenced lecturist connects “liberal” with a focus on individual freedoms, equality, and an embrace of diversity and change.

Conversely, you would have those who embrace security, rigidity, structure and familiarity.

A liberal, in my mind and in the extreme, holds the view that one should embrace the collective in the pursuit of individual liberty, and a conservative embraces the collective to promote security and conformity.

The lecturer argues that a society needs both to thrive and survive. I agree.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–
I went and watched the video he mentions above and he’s right, you HAVE to watch it to conclusion to get the true point of his discussion.
Just wanted to share that with everyone. I’ll put links below to everything individually.

Forum where I found the post on a site called Adventure Rider:
http://www.advrider .com/forums/ showthread. php?t=394215

The TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) talk that he refers to by Jonathon Haidt:
http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=vs41JrnGaxc

In the TED talk Jonathon mentions a site to test your own morality:
http://www.yourmora ls.org/

And if you haven’t heard of them before there are some GREAT lectures from the TED conferences. In order to even ATTEND the lectures you have to be invited (and have some cash!) not just anyone can walk in and sit down. Each lecture is limited to just 18 minutes (and they are strict about that rule) but every talk I’ve watched on their site has been well worth the 20 minutes of my time. And the topics discussed run the full spectrum, it is really quite enlightening.
http://www.ted. com

And, finally, another article I came across, a blog posting (the first part of his manifesto actually) by Paul Lemberg, the author of a book called ‘Be Unreasonable’ . He make’s some good points so thought I would share it since it seems to fit with the rest of this discussion pretty well.
http://be-unreasona ble.com/blog/ being-unreasonab le/the-unreasona ble-manifesto- part-1/

Hope you enjoy the links! I’m off to test my morality! (-;
Greg

Below is a video of little Wil crying. There are more video’s of him on my Youtube page but I really like this one:

And here are some pictures:

So what brings this little rant about? The simple fact that I walked out to my car this morning and found the glove compartment wide open, papers dug through, and other things moved around. To be totally fair, they didn’t “technically” break into my car since the rear door doesn’t lock automatically with the remote and from time to time I will forget to make sure it is locked. Last night was one of those nights and I paid for it this morning. These thieves weren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer (guess that goes without saying if they have resorted to thievery as a lifestyle) because while I don’t generally leave anything of extreme value inside my car (laptop, MP3 players, etc all come with me). But I did have some electronics in the car such as my BlueAnt bluetooth speakerphone clipped to my visor, and some plugs in the cigaretter lighter for various electronic devices. They pulled the 3-way adapter I had in the dash with my cell phone charger (basic mini-usb) and the FM transmitter for my Zune. They took the Zune adapter and threw the 3-way plug and cell phone charger into the backseat. My toolkit is also in the back of the car (wagon style vehicle) and anyone with even 1/4 of a brain (they obviously don’t qualify as even half-witted) would have known to grab the little handy toolbag since it was easy to carry and probably had a good possibility of being worth at least something. So all it seems they got away with was my FM transmitter (but as much as I love my Zune, how many people really have them? making that little item not quite as valuable to them as other things would have been.

I supposed there is the possibility that they will be watching for me to forget to lock that door again, since it is obvious that I have electronics and so my vehicle could be a good score at some point in the future. Next time however they are going to have to break a window, and they better hope it isn’t while it is parked in my driveway since the security camera will be covering my whole front yard for the forseeable future.

Freaking thieves, did I mention what a bunch of bastards they are?

Greg

So I decided to start doing a little MySpace searching and came across one of my old classmates (and actually my first “girl friend”) from back then. There was also another friend whom I thought might be the right person (you can’t tell from the pictures since we have all changed so much over the last 20+ years. I sent messages to both of them and heard back from my old girlfriend. It is quite interesting to talk after all these years and hear how our lives have taken us down all sorts of roads. She was also able to put me in touch with another friend who I hung out with all the time and I found out he is actually now a vice-principal of a school not too far from where I live now.

I am hoping that over time I can reconnect with more of these people and get to know how their lives have turned out and where they are now. If you were a classmate of mine (would have attended St. Mary’s Star Of The Sea school in Oceanside, CA between 1978 and 1984) then please contact me. I always felt we were all pretty close when we left there, can’t really help BUT be close after spending almost every day for 5+ years together. It is good to know they are still out there and doing well (there have been battles for all of them, but we got a good education and upbringing to know that we can get through whatever comes our way).

Good luck to all of you, hope to hear from more of you soon.

Greg

Then a couple days later she informed me she felt that maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore. While I respect her decision I am still at a loss and haven’t really had it explained too well to me as to what brought it on. She said that she just didn’t “feel” it when we were together, but that doesn’t really make sense to me. I have sent her some messages asking for a bit of clarity and if she was still having a tough time with the thought of getting into another “serious” relationship at this time and just needed more space/time to work things out. I haven’t heard back from her yet and am just waiting to see where this all might end up.

Like I said, I think she is a wonderful person and someone who my kids would enjoy being around as much as I would. That is a VERY important piece of the whole puzzle that life is for me. My kids HAVE to be comfortable and relaxed around whomever I bring into my life. So if she needs me to be more patient than I was previously (I didn’t try to reach her a lot, but maybe even that was too much and she just needs me to fade into the background for awhile to see how she truly feels). Or maybe she knows for sure already and that is all there was going to be to an “us”. Either way, I wish her the best in life and that she finds happiness with someone eventually since I feel that while our kids keep us going now, they won’t be around forever on a daily basis and I personally want someone to share my time now with as well as time later when it can just be the two of us.

Just figured I would put some of my thoughts out there. I am hoping that given time she will decide that there is a path that we could both walk down together and see where it takes us. But at the same time I know there are lots of people out there and things always get better. Just kind of confuses me when things work out this way after feeling so “right”.

Greg