I’ve been ‘officially’ single now since last September. Some of my friends thought that I started dating a little quickly after Trish and I split, but that separation was a long time coming. Something that I (and I’m pretty sure she did too) knew for awhile, maybe a couple years. But I’m not one to take my wedding vows lightly, and despite some of the things I was fairly certain of, I still wanted to make her happy, and thought that was something I was capable of doing. Admitting I couldn’t make her happy (not in the complete sense of the word as I am certain we had happy times, long term happiness just wasn’t in the cards for us), and facing that reality was both a great relief, and one of the hardest decisions I had to make.

Since separating, I’ve dated a few really great women, each so different from each other it’s made me question who or what it is I am looking for in a partner. This blog post has been rattling around in my head for quite some time as I will probably mention some things here that friends and family had no clue of (or maybe I am underestimating them a bit). It’s no big surprise that I am the ultimate techno-geek, a fact that I don’t even attempt to conceal, and one that I am quite proud of. At first I had thought that my special someone would also need to share that passion, but the women I have dated have gone across the full spectrum of that part of my life. From pretty close to just as tech-related as I am (OK, that might be a stretch, but at least close) to being as far from the tech mindset as you could be in this day and age. I don’t think anyone would be completely computer free in their life, but from being online throughout the day and instant messaging, to have texting wars (see how many texts we can send in a short period of time), to the other extreme of maybe getting online a few times a week at the most. And from one extreme to the other I have found something that connected us at a different level in each person I dated.

Not being one to feel ‘slighted’ because the person I was dating didn’t quite feel the same way I might, I have kept in contact with the important women I have dated recently. There are three in particular that there was more than one or two dates with. Each so different than the other it astounds me. And now I talk to them each, but on vastly different schedules, and at completely different levels. Every once in awhile I’ll get to chat with one online, we still have great conversations, and I look forward to each time we get to chat, but I think that is all that will ever be. We’ll most likely never meet face to face again, but there will always be that sense of a connection, and as with everyone I meet, I hope she finds happiness and that special someone that makes her feel as special as she is. Another I talk to almost daily, either through texts, chatting online, or we get together to see a movie or grab a bite to eat. As with the first I mentioned, I look forward to each of these moments, and cherish each chance we get to talk. There is no apprehension in giving her advice on someone she might be dating, or asking her for advice on people I might start getting interested in. I have a good feeling we will be great friends for many years to come, we connect on such a level that it seems almost inevitable. Maybe it would end up being something more at some point, I doubt that would be the case, but on my side, I could see the possibility, however slight it might be.

Finally there is the person that is on the tech level so far off from me, she doesn’t even have texting on her phone plan, and sees no need for it. But our connection was at a completely different level, the conversations were all so easy going, I never felt at a loss for words, and we seemed to complement each other perfectly. She would make me think of things I would never on my own, not that I didn’t want to do this or that, but she just was so good at pulling me out of my little ‘safety bubble’ and I loved every minute of it. After just about 2 months, we had a particular moment (it was actually a few) that, when added with the complications of her work schedule as she was facing some very long work weeks, we talked and came to the conclusion we should stop dating, but not stop talking to each other. She is so far from the ‘typical’ woman, not into getting flowers, or any of the other things most women go nuts over. She appreciates the sentiment, but would much rather do something more meaningful. Instead of spending money on flowers, she is much happier finding a random note, or when I would bring over something small to try to make a bad day a little better. It is this person that, while I know she would find this sappy and unnecessary, I can’t seem to get far from my mind. Every person I have gone out on a date with since her and I stopped dating I have used her as the benchmark that I rate them against. We still talk a few times a week (for the most part) and I get that strange feeling when my phone starts ringing and I see it is her on the line.

I’m not exactly sure what the purpose of this post is, I guess it’s that when people say they know what they want out of life, I think maybe they don’t really have a clue. When Trish and I split, I could have given specific’s of what my next relationship would be like. The women I have dated since then have turned that concept on it’s ear, and I am just thankful to have been lucky enough to meet such wonderful ladies that have expanded who I am and I am anxious to see where the road takes me. One thing it has definitely taught me, is that while I might have someone in particular on my mind more so than another, I realize that can change and the possibility of meeting someone who refocuses those thoughts is there. While at this moment in time I would be more than happy not refocusing, I am not going to sit around waiting for what may or may not be meant for me. It will be her loss, not mine, if someone else comes along that is able to absorb my attention at that level. Though to be honest, whoever that is has quite an uphill battle before them.

If you’ve made it this far in my ramblings, I apologize for the randomness of this post. I just felt I needed to put it out there, whether anyone reads it or not, is a secondary to the fact that I have at least put it down where it CAN be read should someone be so bored as to want to take a peak into where my ‘relationship’ mindset is at this point in my life.

Greg

Addendum: I come back to my posts awhile after writing them, and read back through them, this one has to be one of my worst writings ever. But I don’t think I am going to change anything about it. The one final thought that I had, is that while I have no idea who the person that will be sharing my life will be, the one thing I now know for certain, is that they have to make me want to be a better version of me. Not to make them happy, or anything like that, but just because they bring out that part of me because of who they are. I want someone who WANTS me to be around them, not someone who NEEDS me. I don’t want to be a part of completing anyone, I want to mutually make a better us than either of us are on our own.